Dirty Jokes..... and maybe few clean ones too.

[Geddy]

Just got back from the World Strawberry Picking Championship and a woman with no legs won.... jammy cunt!

[stanmarsh14]

Just got back from the World Strawberry Picking Championship and a woman with no legs won.... jammy cunt!

Memories.....

[Daryl]

I never take the female members of my family serious anymore when they say "I'm on one" because of this joke...

...I tell them to go and 'pick strawberries' now!

[Daryl]

I asked a sexy Chinese gal for her phone number the other night...
 
She replied: "Sex, Sex, Sex, Free Sex Tonight"
 
Realising all my dreams had come true at once, her friend immediately dashed my hopes when she butted in and said:
 
"She means 6663629"!!
 
Pfft!

[Geddy]

Eskimo on holiday in Wales and his car breaks down.

Taff looks under bonnet "Looks like you've blown a seal"
Eskimos reply "So what, you shag sheep."

[stanmarsh14]

Let's share a moment of silence for all those lost children swallowed during a blow-job.

[Daryl]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.


"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers... she raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other... she looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: "Are – my – test – results – back"!!..

[Slasher]

Are you taking the piss out of us hard hearing folk?

[barcrest junky]

Are you taking the piss out of us hard hearing folk?

He won't reply - he'll have forgotten he posted it   

  love ya Daryl

 

[Slasher]

That's not very nice. I met him yesterday and he's sound as a pound, I will not have you say that about my new buddy!!

[Daryl]

Are you taking the piss out of us hard hearing folk?

I wondered why you looked at me funny when I asked you about your test results duck and how you got on that day... I know why now!

I thought it was the way you walked!

...and BJ - you know me too well ( and love ya too - always will, no matter what! )

[stanmarsh14]

I'm going to call into work tomorrow and say, "Hey, boss! What's the difference between work and your mum?" ... "I'm not coming into work this morning!"

[Daryl]

Archaeologists have found a new tomb with a mummy wrapped up  in it with chocolates and hazelnuts placed on top of the body...

They believe it to be "Pharaoh Rocher"...

[hit the six]

What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s?



 You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

[stanmarsh14]

A Cardiologist was given a great send off at his funeral.

Service ended, with him taking his final trip in his casket, through a heart shape made of red roses, and the heart closing at the end, sealing the Doctor in the wonderful heart forever.

At this conclusion, one of the mourners started to giggle, to which gained a number of stern looks from fellow mourners.

The giggling mourner stated his reasons for giggling..... "Sorry folks, it just made me think of how my funeral would would be like, as I am a Gynaecologist"

The Proctologist sat next to him fainted