December 2001

29th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "FINAL FRONTIER" 5p £5 - RES available now.

In these current troubled times any new release is very welcome. To be honest, if someone released "Pile of Shit Wanky Repetitive Toss: The Terrible and Merciless Revenge", I'd probably give it a decent write up. And who knows, if Mazooma machines are ever emulated, maybe I will.

Kev, he of MPU World and arcane IRC trickery has been burning the midnight oil to bring us this £5 jackpot 5p play Final Frontier layout. He's created it from scratch, so it has a very different look and feel to the DF original. As MDM tend to aim their machines at the £5 market, this game actually plays well at the 5p stake, unlike many converted 20/25/30p machines, which are only marginally more entertaining on 5p play than sticking a hundred 5p pieces up your bum. (Or, if you're a bit adventurous, you might actually find the whole 5p bum insertion thing more fun than putting them in a fruit machine).

Whatever, great work on Kev's part for giving us a new release, it was looking like being a desperately quiet Christmas and new year on the MPU3/4 front, so simply having something new is a relief in itself. That aside, it's a quality classic layout and a decent, playable little game with a nice line in boppy music to boot. If it were a person, you'd almost certainly give it some of your flumps without complaint.

Christmas is done for another year. Being the elderly chap that I am (27), the childish excitement associated with the day has long since vanished, but it still serves a useful purpose. Left to my own devices I would never buy slippers, shirts, ties, trousers, or shoes; and would probably turn up for work wearing a coal sack before finally accepting that it was about time I did some clothes/footwear shopping (and only then if someone were to make a snide comment about my coal sack). Plus, Christmas means that I am fed properly at least once a year, and get to eat fancy chocolates, the likes of which I don't ordinarily come into contact with.

All is quiet on the fruit machine emulation front, which, considering recent events, could be construed as a good or bad state of affairs dependent upon one's personal take on things. This scene is not the only one to be having a bit of a rough ride at the moment. Visual Pinball is currently recovering (hopefully) from a recent nasty spat, many parallels can be drawn with what we saw here, and the end result is depressingly similar. A talented designer whose work I both admired and enjoyed leaves, apparently for good; there are pointedly sinister half-threats made by others, simmering resentment and dirty laundry is aired in public, moderators have to step in. One is reminded of an argument in a kindergarten, but without the valid excuse that the participants are only five years old.

Whoever did whatever, however, whenever and with what motive is quickly lost in a tide of increasingly bitter recriminations and back-biting. When the dust settles, the only people who are hurt are those who did nothing wrong in the first instance. People threaten to leave a scene, or actually do it, some scream and shout, others endeavour, without success, to keep the peace. The 99% of people who were just there because they enjoyed the scene are the ones left the worse for it all. Within a few days no one really remembers what kicked everything off in the first instance, all that is left are damaged goods and empty shelves, but no one quite knows how they got to be that way.

What is achieved? Nothing. The designers set about the soulless task of creating masterpieces no one will ever see, enthusiasts mourn the damage to a scene they cared about, regulars are left wondering what they ever did to deserve being punished. Ironically, the only "winners" are those who set about upsetting the apple cart in the first place. The ones who lit the blue touch paper, stood well back and let the well worn, petty path of self-destruction be walked again.

It seems that this might be a lesson that will never be learned. As one emulation scene after another is left mortally wounded, or killed outright, one can't help but wonder if there is some fundamental human weakness at play, that people really can't get together and simply get along with one another.

Personally, I don't believe that is the case. MPU3/4 is not finished, although it is far more vulnerable than Visual Pinball. What is required now is an effort from everyone with an interest in this scene to see it get back on track. The noises that are coming through are promising, although we have neither seen or heard anything definite yet. MPU3/4 and fruit machine emulation have finished 2001 on a sour, downbeat note. We can only hope that 2002 holds something better in store for us all.

22nd December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "RED HOT ROLL" SEMI-DX - DX(ish) Mod available now.

Here's something a little bit fancy for you. Following on from the release of Super Streak semi-DX, Rio G, in a collaboration with Neil (who worked the Photoshop magic) bring us their take on Red Hot Roll. Take a look at the Red Hot Roll review to see a photo of the original machine. Personally, I think the Rio G/Neil version looks better than the Barcrest original, maybe they're angling for a job?...... It's also nice to see the cheerful little Barcrest man make a guest appearance. Mind you, if you were sitting on the big fat gold mine that he is, you'd probably have a cheesy grin on your face too.

I don't know about you, but I'm hoping that Rio G and Neil have a hi-tech up their sleeves......

If you already have Red Hot Roll classic, unzip the DX layout into your existing folder. If not, you'll need to grab the previously released combined ROM&RES file.

Those of you who are regulars over at MSN will be aware of the ongoing debate about Line Up. "It's a skanky old piece of crap, and it gives you gonorrhoea if you touch the buttons", "No it isn't, I used to play it loads when I was little, it's a fantastic piece of history", "No it isn't, it smells of poo and has no friends" etc etc.

I was hardly overflowing with compliments about it when the classic layout was released: "Line Up is the bastard offspring of gambling and self-circumcision with a rusty teaspoon". In some ways, this debate typifies emulation, we all have our favourite games in MAME, we all have our favourite Visual Pinball tables, one man's peach is another man's poison, cliché cliché. Emulation is a very personal thing, arguments about which game is better than another are never ending and inevitable, but despite this, or maybe even because of this, emulation can still be enjoyed by vast communities of people with a shared interest in the material being emulated. For some, Line Up is a small piece of their past, it's a machine they remember playing as young scallies in a dodgy arcade, the thrill of a £2 token jackpot, the agony of losing a week's pocket money.

For others, Line Up is an irrelevance; an ancient machine with laughable gameplay, insignificant prizes and zero appeal, some people have never played, or even seen, a real Line Up machine, it holds no interest for them.

However, it does not automatically follow that all these people can't get along as part of a wider community, sharing a love of fruit machine emulation as a whole.

The path that Line Up has taken to its eventual incarnation as a DX Mod is both long and twisty. Following on from the initial discussion on MSN, a regular there, "Pandy", first suggested that a DX Mod of the old cronk would be a desirable addition to the MPU3/4 stable. From then until now, something of a group effort has been underway. Artwork and images have been sourced from several people, another has then worked some Photoshop magic on the images, Pandy himself has created the backdrop and incorporated everything together in a DX layout, as well as doing some of the image manipulation himself. Someone even provided an image of the plug socket and plug to help complete the illusion. However, in the same way that the most beautiful car needs an engine to be of much practical value, it still takes someone to do the difficult and time consuming nuts and bolts work to turn a great static into a working MPU3/4 release, and that is what we now have.

Despite all that's happened recently, the community has managed to come together and put in a fine group effort; the result is an excellent DX Mod sporting a unique graphical style.

This scene has just been through a trying period of time, a period from which it has not yet fully emerged; however, the signs are looking good for the future. Chris Wren spent several hours in the MSN Chat Room a couple of days ago, and there was talk of a new version of MPU3/4 with support for protected layout files, which would prevent the type of hacking we saw earlier in the week. We've already had a release from Rio G, with his Super Streak semi-DX layout. And now we have Line Up DX, a release that, whatever your personal feelings about the machine itself, embodies all that is good about emulation and, more specifically, this scene. It's a group collaboration, a number of people who were committed enough to MPU3/4, to seeing emulation of fruit machines move forward, and to seeing new releases be made, came together and made it happen.

This scene can have its divisions, we can and will all have our own opinions about particular machines, we're never all going to agree with everyone else about everything; but ultimately, there are enough people here who are determined to keep the reels rolling to make this scene an enduring success story.

Line Up may not be your favourite machine, you may not like it at all; but the importance of this release cannot be overstated, because it shows us all why MPU3/4 will not die, why this scene will not die, and why we can all look forward, confident in the knowledge that one way or an other, fruit machine emulation is here to stay.

Enjoy the release (I do hate Line Up as a game, but the DX Mod is so lovingly crafted and unusual that there's something strangely beguiling about it regardless), and many thanks to all those who have worked so hard to bring us this at a difficult time for the scene.

You can unzip Line Up DX into your existing Line Up folder, if you don't already have one, you'll need to download the previously released combined ROM&RES file.

18th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "SUPER STREAK" SEMI-DX - DX(ish) Mod available now.

It certainly isn't a classic layout, but then again it isn't a true DX Mod either. It's a pseudo-DX Mod, it's a Diet DX-Mod, it's a lo-cal DX Mod, it's a Healthy Options DX Mod, but hey, it's a new release and at the moment that's what matters most! Thanks a million to Rio G for this one; after all the ructions of the last couple of days it feels good just to have something new to offer to you all for download. Rio G has created his own attractive, distinctive graphical style, and, unless I'm very much mistaken, his very own reel symbols too. I also love the wood effect background, reminds me of the old mantelpiece at my dad's house.

As for the machine itself, well, you all know that Super Streak is my favourite machine in the whole world, so what could be better than a nice new aesthetically pleasing appearance for it? However, I must apologise for the inaccuracy of the screenshot below, as the machine has just paid out a jackpot. Please note that this never happens in real life.

Let's hope that this is the first of a fresh wave of new releases for MPU3/4......

Despite all the recent shenanigans, MPU3/4 is entering a brave new world (sporting a jaunty cap) with scant regard for the harsh realties that have been thrust upon its broad shoulders. IRC, or "Internet Relay Chat" as smart-ass techno-dudes would insist it's called, seems to be some sort of modern electronic tool, the collective use of which allows many people to communicate with each other simultaneously in a "chat room" (apologies for all the jargon).

If you're very knowledgeable, and understand things like physics and chemistry, you'll already know what IRC is, and how it works; in which case the only information you'll need is that the "server" is called irc.webchat.org and that the "channel" is called mpu34.

If, like me, you're not at all familiar with the sinister workings of IRC, then you might want to take a look at this thread over at MSN, where Kev (he who now looks after MPU World) has kindly explained it all for idiots such as myself. I had a go, it's not very taxing, and you get a charmingly old-fashioned text interface thingymedoobrey with all sorts of funny words and commands flashing around in an thoroughly exciting manner, the likes of which you thought had died with DOS. But don't be put off, it's not difficult to get to grips with.

None of us are too sure what the overall plan is with regards to MSN, setting up another community elsewhere, letting IRC take over or anything else that's a bit complicated. We'll worry about all that later.

Whatever happens, let's all be cheerful about what we've seen up to now. The one thing that can't be changed is that we all have MPU3/4, and we all have access to sixty six superb layouts (sixty six is quite a lot you know, especially in the old money) - that's a big fat meaty wedge of entertainment for a big fat meaty wedge of people.

I really do hope that Gary and Digital Fruit are going to be back, that we're going to see more of their fantastic layouts in the future, they've done a huge amount for this scene, it would be a terrible shame if they left now. There's no word on Steve Phipps, he was responsible for many of the original classic layouts that helped to get this scene off the ground, and we've seen a couple more excellent releases from him over the months. Perhaps he's got some more layouts up his sleeve? Perhaps we'll see a version of MPU3/4 released by Chris that supports RES file protection to prevent hacking? We can only hope. The decisions are for the individuals to make.

This site's going to stay right here, making sure that MPU3/4 and all the layouts released to date are available for everyone. I'll do what I can to keep things interesting; new reviews, new articles, maybe a few off-topic pieces about other matters as they catch my imagination. That's all I can do, others can do more if they choose to. Only time will tell.

OK then, The Hovel is back up and running, all downloads are enabled again. I suspended all downloads as a show of solidarity with Chris, Gary and DF - and yes, I admit it, because I was pissed off and angry.

However, I for one am not going to let all my hard work get sabotaged by one prick with a collection of porn and a hacked version of MPU3/4. I am not going to let everyone else who has yet to complete their MPU3/4 collection, or has yet to discover this scene at all, have their potential fun ruined.

I truly hope that, given time for reflection, Chris, Gary and DF will be able to reconsider their decisions.

Gary mentioned that the next version of MPU3/4 was to have protection for RES files to stop them getting hacked, this sounds like an excellent idea. If the designers knew there was no way their work could get hacked, would this be enough to make them reconsider?

I can understand everyone's annoyance (I was well pissed off and they weren't even my layouts that were getting hacked), but after a few hours to reflect on it, can we really let this scene go down the tubes over something so stupid?

I've already had about 50 supportive e-mails, we've seen the messages on this community, I'm sure Gary and DF must have had many mails too.

NO ONE WANTS THIS SCENE TO DIE. Nicky Special is right, if we all give up and go home then one dickhead with a porn collection and a dodgy website has triumphed over the wishes of hundreds, if not thousands of people.

This sort of thing is not new, it happens to emulation projects all the time, and some fantastic projects have died because of the destructive influence of a small number of idiots (UltraHLE anyone?) - the trick is NOT TO LET THE IDIOTS WIN.

Please guys, think this through, carefully. Whatever needs to be done to protect your layouts must be done, if Chris would be good enough to release a version of MPU3/4 which supported protected layouts that would be a massive help.

I understand that you are very annoyed and upset at the moment, but analyse what has actually happened. ONE person has taken it upon himself to try and attract as much attention as he possibly can, and you'd have to say he's succeeded. Are we really going to let him go the whole hog and take down the entire scene? What does that say about us?

Chris, Gary and DF - Look at the happiness that your work has brought to THOUSANDS of people, the nostalgia, the memories, the sheer entertainment. OK, so things have been a bit rough on MSN recently (it's got to me too), but this nasty episode has shown what strength of feeling there really is that MPU3/4 must survive and move forward (look at all the posts we're seeing from people who've never posted here before).

My site's now back up and running, so the little that I can do to help the scene continue is now being done. But the truth of the matter is that the big decisions rest with you guys - by all means, take your time, think about it, but please also think about what has been said on this board tonight.

If you go, a hell of a lot of people are really going to miss you.

But whatever your decision, my heartfelt thanks to you for all the superb work you have done for this scene. MPU3/4 and your layouts have given me many hundreds of hours of genuine enterntainment, trips down memory lane, nostalgia, the whole works - it would be a crying shame to let that end now.

Alex.

It seemed that the MPU3/4 scene might turn out to be one of the most dynamic emulation scenes ever seen, after many initial troubles things had finally settled down into a routine that, to a greater or lesser extent, suited everyone.

Chris Wren (MPU3/4's author), behind the scenes and never seeking any personal glory or attention, worked on developing and improving MPU3/4, giving help and support to the layout creators where required. We were also able to enjoy many of the original batch of classic layouts, designed by Steve Phipps.

Gary, Harvey (Digital Fruit) and MPU34Dev worked on creating the layouts themselves. This is a time-consuming and very difficult process, but in just a few months we have seen some fifty layouts released, including many of the awesome "DX Mods". Less visible but equally important, they worked on collecting ROMs, artwork and other essential materials. The contributions of many MSN Community members in this collecting process is also well worth mentioning.

Some complained about the "closed shop" nature of development. However, it was made quite clear that it was not the wish of the author for the development tools to be made public. Besides which, the design team maintained a steady stream of extremely high quality releases, requests were taken, errors were quickly fixed; the scene benefited greatly from having a small team of dedicated designers working so hard for the benefit of everyone.

I, and others, worked on keeping the MPU sites up to date. I've put a hell of a lot of time and effort into this site. Always making sure it's up to date, staying up into the small hours checking files and links, trying to keep things funny and interesting, but also informative and sometimes, hopefully, thought-provoking too. For what it's worth, looking after a 250mb site on a 56k dial-up is not easy. It's not as if I've got nothing better to do, I'm happily married with an active social life with my friends and family, but I felt a certain sense of duty to make this site the best I possibly could - and I thank you all for the many supportive e-mails you have sent me (getting on for some two hundred now).

However, just recently that has all started to change. An influx of new members on MSN has seen the list bombarded with spam, abuse, idiotic questions and constant pestering. So much so that I had to split the one message board into five separate boards in an attempt to filter out the crap. It now seems that new releases are met with precious little appreciation, maybe people don't realise just how difficult it is to create a classic layout, let alone a DX Mod. Or maybe they just don't care.

I've never been in this for personal glory or attention. This site and MSN have taken up hundreds of hours of my time, I've spent a great deal of money on software and internet time. All I ever wanted to do was give something to people that they enjoyed and appreciated. In the same way that Chris has carried on working on MPU3/4, in his own time, for the benefit of everyone. In the same way that Gary, Harvey and MPU34Dev gave up a great deal of their own time creating the many superb layouts that we have seen. No one's made any money out of this scene, quite the opposite, it has cost us all dearly in both time and money.

Now we get a hack of "Over The Moon" released. Despite the insistence of its "author" that it was his own work, analysis reveals that it is a straight hack. Despite polite requests to remove the layout from his site and not release the many more hacks that he has planned, the "author" says he will do as he pleases, and actually gets some support from regulars at the community.

Gary says he is never going to release another layout for MPU3/4, and now Digital Fruit has said the same; faced with the prospect of their work being turned into tacky porn hacks, who can blame them? There is also a more serious point, Empire have actively co-operated with this scene, Barcrest have left it alone. Now that their machines, ROMs, artwork and concepts are being used to promote hardcore porn via hacks of legitimate work, who can say what their attitude will now be? Who wants to take the chance? It seems that Chris has now decided to wash his hands of MPU3/4 also. Game Over.

What am I going to do? I really don't know. But truth be told, if Chris, Gary and Digital Fruit have left the building, then those of us left are just going to be standing around looking stupid.

Maybe this is going to be sorted out, maybe this scene still has some distance left to run. Things have looked bleak before, and one way or the other everyone's managed to put their heads together, look to the future and make things work again. I hope that this is what will happen this time, that this scene is not dead.

Bugger. I used up all my nastiness and intolerance yesterday to write the Super Streak review, and now along comes Colossus, which is equally deserving of a thorough mauling, but I have precious little meanness left in me. Still, not to worry, let's have a go regardless.

Colossus is ghastly; it was an abysmal excuse for a fruit machine when it was released a few years ago, and it's still an abysmal game now it's implemented in MPU3/4. Ostensibly it seems to be another of the many "3 hi/lo trail" machines that we've seen over the years, but even the briefest of plays reveals it to be one of the worst efforts at the genre.

The single biggest problem is that each trail is self-contained, there's no way to exchange from one trail to another once you've entered it; on top of that, the trail you enter is chosen "at random" (ha) by the machine, so if you're trying to set up nudges for a good win or the hidden features there's a two in three chance that the software will choose the wrong trail (more, actually, it blatantly chooses a useless trail if the nudge trail is looking promising). That aside, once you're locked into a trail there are no bonuses to be had and no change numbers, just you and a boring hi/lo climb. It goes on, if you collect nudges the best win is automatically nudged in and auto-collected, you can't then gamble the win. You can't deliberately not nudge in the win to go for hidden features or a let 'em spin. The bonus (overlaid on one symbol on the middle reel) is feeble. Not only are the crap bonuses crap, so are the good ones (if you get my drift). The "skill numbers" bonus only goes up to the initial trail entry point, so if the cash trail is chosen for you the best you can manage is starting at 40p. Lovely.

I could go on. Like how the hidden features are far too difficult to get and largely dull when you finally do. Like how the regular features are mainly pointless too (Skill Multiplier is the only one worth collecting unless you're going for either of the top two, but Skill Multiplier will give a jackpot when ready so why bother?). Like how the sounds and music are, for an MDM, very poor indeed, little variety and no fun at all.

But enough negativity, surely there's something nice to be said here? Well yes, special thanks must go to "Echo147" over at MSN for providing the ROMs, he owns the machine (so that's who MDM sold it to) and very kindly sent the ROMs to Gary for dumping. Gary dumped the ROMs, sent them back to Echo and then created this classic layout, which is, it must be said, very good indeed. I particularly like the way he's given the hidden features column an authentic feel.

Overall then, a wonderful community effort bringing an excellent classic layout of a dreadful fruit machine to a wide audience.

13th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "OVER THE MOON" DX - DX Mod available now.

Following hot on the heels (well, warm on the heels at least) of the Over The Moon classic release comes Digital Fruit's spangly DX Mod of the same machine. Precious little to say about the game itself (I shot my bolt with the classic layout), the DX layout is, of course, another typically super DF release. It's also worth mentioning that Chris Wren (MPU3/4's author) provided the flyer that made this release possible, so many thanks to him for that.

As for the machine, I can only assume that the Barcrest designer responsible for the Over The Moon artwork was in the throes of some kind of seriously hardcore LSD/mushroom/undetermined hallucinogen experience (along with the guy responsible for the headfuck music); flying cows, dancing violins, a tripped out moon (look at the eyes) and unnaturally cheerful cutlery and crockery. Plus the colour scheme is altogether very groovy too. Hey diddle diddle my arse.

11th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "JACKPOT GEMS" DX - DX Mod available now.

Jackpot Gems is already my favourite lo-tech implemented in MPU3/4, so a dash of the old Digital Fruit magic is very welcome. As with all lo-techs, there's not much in the way of explaining to do (even George Bush has managed to get his head round them), although that didn't stop me writing a review of sorts to coincide with the release of the classic layout.

DF's layout is crisp, clear and supremely easy on the eye. It's quite an aesthetically pleasing machine anyway (as far as these things go), and the sharpness of the layout really does it justice. If you haven't already got them, you'll need the ROMs; if you have already got them, unzip the DX Mod into your existing Jackpot Gems folder.

There is a small emulation issue with this release (which was also present in the classic layout). On occasion, after you've collected a bank (usually a large bank), you'll find that the "insert coin" button won't reactivate, preventing you from putting more money in and playing any further. You can either open and close the door, or reload the layout and continue from where you left off. On a wider note, a system on real machines whereby you were prevented from putting your winnings (or percentage of losses) back in the slot would have saved me a fortune back in the bad old days, I had to make do with exasperated friends telling me "It's not going to pay out any more, you stupid twat".

9th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "OOH AAH DRACULA" - £5 jackpot RES available now.

Following several requests over at MSN, fruit machine emulation's resident altruist, Gary, has come up with a £5 jackpot layout for Ooh Aah Dracula. It's basically the same layout, but the values on the cash ladder have been changed, as have the win values.

The stake can be set to 20p, 25p or 30p; as downloaded it's set to 20p. 20p per play with a £5 jackpot may seem rather pointless, but it's worth remembering that it was only ten years ago that the maximum jackpot by law was £2.40 cash, £4.80 tokens; and back then fruities were a hell of a lot more fun (and a hell of a lot cheaper) to play. The £5 jackpot means lots of features, lots of wins, and an all round "kinder" playing experience; it's more akin to a firm, not entirely displeasurable tweaking of the nipples than the brutal kicking about the head and upper body that many modern fruit machines seem to specialise in.

Thanks to Gary's wizardry with classic layout file sizes, the download is just 158k, and of course, it will use the Ooh Aah Dracula ROMs that you already have. Now isn't that just super?

8th December - ** NEW RELEASE ** - "OVER THE MOON" - ROM & RES available now.

Here's a strange little game for you; it's a machine I've never seen or played in the wild, but that's probably just as well as I'd have fallen asleep in a standing position, keeled over and given myself a nasty knock on the head. Not, you understand, because the game itself is poor, it's actually quite good fun. What would have sent me to sleep is the music, this is a machine that uses a remix of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as its nudge tune (I kid you not), the other ditties and the various sound effects are similarly soothing. (The hold button samples could be used to send a baby to sleep, or maybe strung together to communicate with a particularly relaxed alien race, think Close Encounters.....).

Quite why Barcrest have used this sound theme I don't know, maybe it's to maintain the grannies' state of calm as they feed the machine with their pensions (even the streak music is a laid back lullaby). Maybe it's to help keep malnourished babies asleep as their parents chuck away the benefit money for the week. Whatever its purpose, it's quite the most inappropriate sound and music I've ever heard produced by a fruit machine, emulated or otherwise.

As for the game itself, typical lo-tech fare, but the streak feature is both novel and entertaining. A "value ball" is launched from the right hand side of the trail and works its way around and to the left, the value it stops on is how much cash is added to the bank, if it stops on "spin" then the streak is over and it's back to the reels. Great layout from Digital Fruit, clean and crisp with a splash of the original machine's artwork.

You've chosen to download Road Hog because, in your own quiet way, you're a rebel. You're not a revolutionary or a reactionary. It's just that following the common herd isn't really your thing.

When others are seduced by labels, logos and the latest fad, you have an unerring instinct for genuine quality and class. You want a layout that fits your needs and lifestyle, not simply what everyone else at the office, golf club or gym happens to be playing.

In matters of style, your tastes tend towards the subtle and understated. When it comes to playability, restraint goes straight out of the window.

Above all, you're an independent thinker who considers, compares, contrasts and then makes up your own mind; and this is reflected in your decision to download Road Hog. Welcome to the elite.

Is half the image below missing? Did Gary sneeze whilst he was busy designing and accidentally replace a huge chunk of the layout with a swathe of grey? Nope, that's lo-tech for you mate, no frills gambling for the mentally challenged.

This is Barcrest's cheeky cash in on the success that Project enjoyed with the 777 Heaven machines in 1990. The structure of the wins is identical, and all the same tricks with the boxes work (they can be used to manipulate nudges), even the name is a bit of a poke at Project's machine. There's not really much to say about it, lo-techs bridge the gap between hi-techs and simply taking money out of your pocket and throwing it down a grid.

5th December - ** NEW RELEASE ** - "OOH AAH DRACULA" - ROM & RES available now.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a Boulder Dash? Is it a Cash Arena? Hell no you crazy fools, it's an Ooh Aah Dracula!

The unbelievers join their voices in indignant unison; "That's not possible! For Ooh Aah Dracula is an MPU5 machine, and MPU3/4 does not emulate the MPU5 hardware system!". Away with you, doubters and sceptics, go and preach your message of defeat and failure on a scene less mighty than this, for there is always an answer here.

OAD was indeed an MPU5 machine when Barcrest released it; but BWB, being the cheapy second-hand types that they are, used MPU4 for their rebuild, and that is why you are now able to play the game in MPU3/4.

Gary's cooked up a classic layout for this release, and jolly nice it is too, especially as it uses some of the super new reel scans that he's been busy hoarding in his cavernous top secret reel scan cave (next door neighbour one Mr B. Laden). The game itself is a straight clone of Boulderdash (you may want to cast your eyes over this splendid review for an insight into the niceties (or otherwise) of it all), although most people seem to prefer OAD due to its better sound and cheerful vampire twixt gruesome death theme.

OAD was later cloned as Cash Arena, in that incarnation it had a stupid Roman theme with a seriously effeminate Caesar in place of the wooden stake. Never mind the questionable ethics of cloning humans, what about the unspeakable horrors of producing three near identical versions of the same sub-standard fruit machine?

5th December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "CROWN JEWELS MK II" DX - DX Mod available now.

There isn't really a great deal more I can say about this machine (it's all covered in the review I originally wrote to coincide with the release of the classic layout). It's one of Barcrest's "lazy-ass job" conversions of a pleasantly inoffensive pub machine into an equally inoffensive club machine; the club side of the equation being implemented by simply adding lots of big numbers to the top of the cash trail (the feature board is practically identical).

Digital Fruit's DX layout is, by his own admission, not one of the best he's produced, (the image quality is a little grainy and the "lights" aren't wholly convincing); but it's a welcome addition to the MPU3/4 DX line up nonetheless. And let's be honest, the standard of DX Mods produced by DF and Gary is so high that "not one of the best" is still pretty damn good in its own right.

Unzip the DX Mod into your existing Crown Jewels Mk II folder, as it will happily use the ROMs you already have. If you don't yet have the ROMs, you can download them using this link, Crown Jewels MK II ROM.

Super Streak is now at V1.03; following on from the initial V1.00 release, a 1.01 update and a 1.02 update, we now have what will (probably) be the definitive version, V1.03. When a new layout is released there are sometimes a few minor issues to be corrected, (the vicious regulars over at the MSN Community swoop in within a matter of minutes, mercilessly pointing out defects to the beleaguered layout designers), so be aware that if you download an initial release it's worth checking back later to see if any updates have been released.

All the designers give their layouts a version stamp, and the latest versions are always listed on the ROMs RES and Reviews page next to the download links, so it's easy enough to check whether or not you're running the latest version.

The updates to Super Streak are fairly minor; stupid people, such as US Presidents and Big Brother contestants (and viewers), probably wouldn't even notice the differences between V1.00 and V1.03 - but you know you deserve the best, so get V1.03 now. Unless you've already got it, of course.

3rd December - ** NEW RELEASE ** - "SUPER STREAK" - ROM & RES available now.

Super Streak? Super pocket raping ass spelunking dirty low down robbing bastard Streak, more like. Seeing this machine again, even in a relatively benign emulated form, is rather traumatic for me.

When you download Super Streak, delete the RAM file, open the door and set the percentage to 70%. Then, play it until it (eventually) streaks for £60. Collect your virtual £60 and go and make a cup of tea. Next, return to your PC and imagine that you are me seven years ago, an impoverished student who's just collected his pitiful week's wages from Kentucky Fried Chicken prior to a Friday night out. Think to yourself, "Ooohhh, Super Streak, that looks like fun, I'm going to play it until I get a super streak out of it, then join my friends at the pub". You can imagine the rest.

This is a classic layout from Gary, so I've got him to thank for allowing me to relive the unspeakable agony (and hunger) of the skintest weekend in the history of my life. Although to be pedantic, this is the BWB rebuild of Super Streak, which is why the sounds and music are present, (the original Barcrest used an on-board Yamaha sound chip which is not yet emulated, BWB used samples for the rebuild), mind you, it's probably just as evil. Download the layout, play the game, and bring yourself a little closer to Satan.

On the plus side, Gary has done a commendable job with the layout file size, it's a veritably teeny 296k zipped.

Well fancy that, it's "What's On?", not "What's On TV?", as I called it when MPU34Dev released the classic layout.

And how do I know that? Because Gary's gone and done one of his amazing DX Mods. We all know what to expect from Gary, and this layout doesn't disappoint; he tends to go for more of a slightly artificial but clearer "flat-screen" look at the expense of the "real machine" look that DF leans towards (compare the screenshot of What's On DX with the screenshot of Crystal Maze DX and you'll see what I'm getting at). I'm not entirely sure which I prefer, the larger reels on Gary's releases hurt my eyes the least out of the two, but that could just be down to my prematurely failing eyesight. Also, this layout looks like it's making use of some of the new hi-res reel scans, which is all very pleasant.

Extra points are awarded for quite the funniest reel graphic I've yet seen. As I pointed out when the classic layout was released, What's On? is a prize machine, in the absence of a genuine "prize symbol" graphic Gary has come up with his own; "Get 3 in a row for shit prizes". Never before has such a volume of truth been encapsulated in so few words.

The initial release was 2.00, then we had 2.01, now we have 2.02. This corrects a few minor issues with the original release, and boasts a slimmed down file size and clearer text on the mystery awards. Gary helped with the file size and one of the fixes, although, rather mysteriously, we don't know which one. It's probably not important, all that matters is that it's been fixed.

V2.02 is supplied with a GAM and RAM file, if you've already set up an earlier version of the Mod to use your own favourite settings, done a factory reset on it or something along those lines, you might not want to overwrite your existing GAM and RAM files. Do note that the new GAM file fixes token payouts not being registered, you can do this manually by adding "Meter 4 * 1" to the Total Out on the config screen if you don't want to overwrite your GAM file.

If you find all of that a bit confusing, just unzip the whole lot and overwrite files where prompted to be sure that everything is as it should be. If you haven't yet downloaded Crystal Maze DX, then all of the above is completely irrelevant anyway. Hmmm, I really did make that a lot more complicated than it needed to be......

2nd December - ** NEW LAYOUT ** - "CRYSTAL MAZE" DX - DX Mod ROM & DX Mod RES available now.
Note: You will need to download both the DX Mod ROM and the DX Mod RES file, the ROM files released with the Crystal Maze classic layout will not work with the DX Mod release.

The weekend just wouldn't be the weekend without a new release for MPU3/4; indeed, emergency measures passed in parliament earlier this week actually prohibit Monday morning from beginning until a new layout has been released. Ensuring the continuity of time and overall stability in the nation for another seven days is Digital Fruit, with the release of his DX Mod for The Crystal Maze.

The Crystal Maze is one of the better pub machines currently implemented in MPU3/4. It's definitely missing the edgy bald realism of Richard 'O Brien ("You've got yourself locked in, you're stupid, weak and pathetic"), which has been supplanted with the bland hirsute amiability of Edward Tudor Pole ("Jolly good try old chap, dashed bad luck). That aside, it's a very involving and frustrating machine, not least 'cause there's always the chance that the final Crystal Maze feature might gyp you off with a £1 repeater when you could have had the jackpot off nudges. Hopefully future releases of MPU3/4 will emulate the satisfaction of pouring a pint of beer down the coin chute of a wayward machine.

DF's layout pushes the already stretched boundaries of DX magnificence to new extremes, and it's very much in keeping with his "real" style. This DX Mod in particular is stunningly good, when playing it I can easily imagine myself back in a pub in Manchester six years ago. Another fantastic release, another step forward for the fruit machine emulation scene. Thanks to DF for this one, and here's looking forward to seeing more of this superb quality of work in the future.

1st December 2045 hrs - MSN Community waits around the corner until I put an update on this site about its disappearance and promptly reappears. Worried Blair concedes, "It does seem a bit sinister".

Hrumph. There was a weary sort of inevitability about that wasn't there.... I held off for nine hours on putting something up here about the strange vanishing of the MSN Community, before deciding I better had write a few words after all. Just over an hour later it emerges from its hidey-hole and says "Ha ha, you should have waited a bit longer, sucker".

Anyway, back on the fruit machine emulation ranch, no new releases yet this weekend. I'm getting scared.

1st December 1900 hrs - MSN Community missing in action, public urged not to panic.

Anyone trying to get to the Fruit Machine Emulation MSN Community today (including yours truly) will have been presented with the rather distressing image seen below. To all those who are e-mailing me about this; I have not deleted the community, Barcrest have not sent the heavies round and Microsoft have not chucked a mental over it.

MSN Communities as a whole has been a little on the unreliable side over the last few weeks (probably something to do with Microsoft implementing their scary passport system, which allows you to shop on-line, make a will and donate major organs with the mere click of a mouse in the vague direction of a 100% secure Microsoft server), and the fruity community has gone walkabout for a few hours on several occasions.

However, this is the longest it's been down to date, which is why I'm putting this calming message up here. Previous experience suggests that the fruity community will reappear before too long, so just keep checking back. If it's still away with the fairies come tomorrow morning I'll fire off a mail to a Microsoft automaton in the vague hope that I might get a "Like we care" response sometime before 2050 (the year, not the hour).

There is no news today, but being as dedicated as I am to updating this site in a timely fashion, it seemed appropriate to start up a news page for the month of December. Isn't that nice?