CROWN JEWELS Mk II - "Mighty ass kicking with its hobnailed fruity booties"

This is one of the few club machines I've had the chance to play (over 18s on the Isle Of Man aren't considered responsible enough to indulge themselves in gambling for big prizes. 16 year olds can buy lottery tickets though). I came across it in a snooker club in the UK and was promptly given a spanking to the tune of about 50 quid. It's a club version of a pub machine called "Jewel In The Crown" (photograph shown above), with which it shares its music, theme, gameplay and several features.

In fact, apart from the "£250 Jackpot" at the top of each of the trails and the higher awards on the cash ladder, it pretty much *is* the pub machine. (Is it just me who thinks that having to gamble hi/lo 6 times to get from 40p to £2 on a £250 jackpot machine is a bit cheeky?). There are only 3 feature exchange points, £2, £5 and £10. The £2 exchange usually sees you off in a few spins, the £5 exchange tends to give you a bit of a run on the board, the £10 exchange often lets you fill all the trails up to one space short of the jackpot, and then kills you off or gives a Collect Prize. 

There are no nudges during normal gameplay, and 3 holds doesn't work (it is still worth holding for wins though). The basic game is quite dull, and the limited number of feature exchange points means you have to decide whether or not you want to risk an extra 4 gambles to get to the next. Once you've gambled past £10 all you can do is collect or gamble further. The last 4 gambles in particular are scary - £50 > £100 > £150 > £250, (4 gambles at the other end of the board would only gain you 80p!), and this machine will kill you off on a good number as soon as pull your pants down and give you a mighty ass kicking with its little hobnailed fruity-booties (this feature was removed after an unsuccessful trial, hence the Mk II).

On the plus side, the feature is good fun, with a pleasant medieval pop tune (if that isn't a contradiction in terms) warbling along in the background you generally get quite a decent run of the board, the £10 exchange in particular will almost always give you a chance to build some of the trails quite high, making the exchange worthwhile. (Just don't get your hopes up for it letting you get the jackpot). 

The features available are straight from pub machines, and tend to pay the same kinds of amounts you'd see from pub machines, only the top 3 features are more in keeping with club payouts (Crazy Reels can pay quite large amounts). If you want to get a jackpot, you best chance is from the hi/lo gamble up the cash ladder, just gamble everything, irrespective of good and bad numbers. When it's ready, it'll let you climb the jackpot out. It can award the jackpot from the feature, but it can also keep giving you high Collect Prizes on the Jester (mystery) square (if you ever met a jester as miserable as the one here you'd shoot the bastard). These will keep knocking the machine's %age back in its favour, delaying the jackpot.

The Mk I and Mk II versions of the machine are almost identical. The only major change (other than the removal of the ass-kicking equipment) is that the Mk II will repeatedly kill you off on the £50 to £100 gamble, this was implemented to try and prevent pro gamblers forcing out the jackpot. You can still force a jackpot out, but it will cost you more than it would on a Mk I. Also, after killing you off on a high gamble, most club machines will allow you to climb back to the same point, and past it, for a jackpot soon after. Crown Jewels doesn't work in this fashion, you can lose a high gamble and not have it come back for over £100.

The cashpot is a "free win". It builds up very slowly over a long period of time, and when it's paid out it doesn't affect the machine's %age at all. Therefore, on a machine with full cashpots it is possible to take out a £250 cashpot and a £250 jackpot in relatively quick succession. Now wouldn't that be nice?

9th August 2001