"Oh my God, I've lost him...." or
The JPM Emulator, and idiots.

There are a lot of stupid people in the world. And I don't just mean inoffensively stupid people who can still kick a bastard good shot like David Beckham. I mean dangerously, nastily stupid people, people who are not only stupid, but ready and willing to inflict the results of that stupidity onto others.

But first, a little story - isn't that nice?

In July 2001 I made a few posts about MPU3/4 to the Visual Pinball forums (I wish I'd have saved them out at the time but, of course, I didn't know how far things were going to come); someone had mentioned a fruit machine emulator in passing (a "Does such a thing exist?" sort of post) and I chipped in to say that I had bought a quite remarkable fruit machine emulator from a guy called Chris Wren. How did this go down with people, including the questioner? Not that well, as it happens.... "You lie! You lie and you smell!" - "Prove it, there is no such thing and until you prove it your willy is small!" - and so on.

Now then, what was my response to that? Did I throw a childish strop and scream "Well fuck you all then, I'm taking my toys and going home to play with them by myself"? - or did I make an effort to be polite and reasonable, and demonstrate to these people that the emulator did exist? I did the latter of course. But I had a hard time proving it, as the emulator was still being sold by Chris I couldn't just go and start mailing it to people (which didn't go down well), ROMs by themselves proved nothing and, rather embarrassingly, when I posted the link which Chris had used to distribute the demo version it was found to be dead.

I was accused of all sorts of terrible things, some of them involving my mother, animals, and household appliances - but I pressed on, determined that all those who had expressed genuine interest in the mystical fruit machine emulator should not suffer because of the scepticism of the few. A very early version of The Hovel was created (using just Notepad as my HTML editor), a few downloads were put up, Chris released a freeware version of MPU3/4, the sceptics were silenced and, well, it all just sort of carried on from there really.

Just as well that I didn't go for the "Fuck you all" option and throw a hissy fit then, huh?......

Now then, obviously that little tale has a purpose, and its purpose is this, to show just how different things can be when people are STUPID. As we know, in the last couple of weeks news of a JPM emulator has emerged, we've seen some very early WIP screenshots, been treated to a few cryptic (and rather rude) posts from the developers, and been given JPM Forums to go and talk about the emulator that hasn't been released, the layouts that aren't in the public domain, and take turns at guessing about everything else.

Needless to say, a few people started piping up and asking questions (terrible abuse of the whole forums system cropping up again), others pointed out inconsistencies in the WIP shots, some wondered if what we were looking at were fakes. (And not without good reason, there had been very little official news, and the comments from the developers weren't exactly mature and measured).

All this culminated in this thread on JPM Forums. Just read it, go on, but try not to seethe with anger at the arrogance, stupidity and hubris demonstrated therein. (For reference, R3SOLUTION is a shadowy layout developer/tester sort of guy, Glasnost is the emulator's coder).

But it wasn't enough! People, damn them all, had the cheek to carry on expressing their opinions and telling others what they were thinking, there was only one possible outcome - the world had to end - and so it did in this thread!

(Please make sure you do read the above linked threads, they're absolute classics, and the rest of this won't make much sense if you don't).

No one's denying that the JPM Emulator's author, Glasnost, has got some real coding ability, because it's quite obvious that he has. Moreover, his motley team of developers and testers clearly have some genuine abilities in their fields. But one field they all seem to be somewhat lacking in is communicating with other people and not making yourself look a total twat in the process. 

But it's the tragic old story, isn't it? A few self-important individuals come up with something that a lot of people would quite like to get their hands on, in this case, a JPM Emulator. Said individuals dangle this emulator in front of the massed crowds, courtesy of mysterious posts, slightly dodgy WIP shots, and rude, abrupt replies when anyone dares to ask a couple of perfectly reasonable questions. Dire threats are then issued warning of terrible consequences if everyone doesn't step into line and unquestioningly start massaging massively over-inflated egos - and finally, because three or four people were slightly, politely, and justifiably sceptical, the whole thing is canned, toys are thrown out of prams, and everyone gets a big fat slap in the face.

Against that backdrop (I mean, really, "you are all idiots"), one has to ask oneself if we're not just better off without. Dial Tone (Tony) has assured us all on JPM Forums that he is picking up the pieces and will do his level best to put them together. Tony is the wizard behind MERC, the embryonic "Project Semulator" (a build your own fruit machine sort of thing), many other technical feats that have gone on behind the scenes and, most of all, he's a reasonable, well adjusted, scene-orientated individual. It's also worth pointing out that Tony already had his own JPM Emulator project underway before all this happened, by his own admission Glasnost was further along the line than he was, but even so, this never was just the one man band Glasnost show. Tony also has the respect and appreciation of just about the entire scene, and is less inclined to tell everyone that they are idiots than Glasnost is - so one way or another this is probably all going to work out just fine anyway.

It's clear from the posts made by R3SOULTION and Glasnost that the JPM Emulator playing field, as they saw it, was going to be a rough kind of place for the average scene follower. One only needs to look at the leaps and bounds that the MPU3/4 side of the scene has witnessed since development tools went public and everyone started sharing to see that it's absolutely the best way to go. The threads linked to above are loaded with threats, demands, hypocrisy, arrogance, ignorance and a "love me and listen to me and only me" attitude that, quite frankly, stinks to high heaven.

Inclusiveness, sharing, community spirit, people together pursuing a common goal. It's just so simple, and so obviously the absolute best way to go about things. This scene now has enough people who care about the scene more than they do themselves and their positions in the greater scheme of things to succeed.

MPU Forums is a pretty nice place to be these days, more and more people are coming on stream with layout designing, Gary's done some first class work with ROM and reel band distribution, and I'll eat a piece of humble pie and give full credit to Harvey for doing a superb job with maintaining MPU Forums and keeping them going in the face of some withering, and at times unfair, criticism (and yes, I'll hold my hand up to that one). In fact, just as well that Harvey has a little more self-belief and backbone than certain other people, or MPU Forums would have disappeared off the face of the net a long time ago.

So then, what's the story now? JPM Emulator is in Tony's expert, capable hands, and I'm sure everyone is perfectly content to give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do. The egomaniac assholes' stay was mercifully short-lived, and we're undoubtedly all better off without. The scene lives on, people carry on happily chatting to one another, and things progress just as they were before - which is quite nicely, thank you.

Me? Just ranting and raving as usual.....

21st April 2002.