Indiana Jones - Ha ha haaaa..... son of a bitch.....

NOTE - This review is based on experiences of playing the real machine. At the time of writing, the only version of the JPM Impact Emulator available is V1.00 beta, which, to be quite honest, isn't really slick enough to offer the "true" Indy experience. You'll need at least a 600mhz processor to get much joy in the speed stakes (it chugs a bit on my PIII-550), and there are still a few minor glitches here and there. Hopefully, as time goes by, development of JPEM will advance to the point where the lines between reality and emulation become blurred. But don't forget, you could always go and find a real machine to play......

JPM's designers must have been on a real bummer of a low when they finished Indiana Jones. The code had been completed, the artwork had been finalised, everything had been tweaked and honed to perfection - Indiana Jones: The Fruit Machine was ready to roll off the production line. But why on earth would this make them miserable? Surely they knew that not only did they have a massive commercial hit on their hands, they had also created a damn good game to boot?

Well yes, of course, and that's the whole problem, because once you have created perfection - where else is there to go but down? JPM's designers were probably sat around, wearing their Indy hats and morosely telling each other, "You know something, we're never going to top that" - and they were right.

In practical terms, there really isn't very much that sets Indy apart from the pack quite as dramatically as I appear to be suggesting. The main reel game is entirely standard stuff, three overlaid hats award the feature, wins need to be gambled once on a typical 1-12 hi/lo before they can be exchanged, higher wins equal better exchange points, and three holds and let 'em spins are all present and correct (let 'em spins are delightfully frequent). Beyond that, once you get to the feature (which happens with joyful regularity) there still isn't anything particularly out of the ordinary - you move one to twelve spaces at a time, and all the usual suspects are waiting to be landed on, cash squares, nudge pot squares, feature squares, mystery squares, skill stop squares, and the inspired Russian Roulette ambush square.

So what's Indy's secret weapon, what makes it so damn special? Well if you listen, I'll tell you.

It's FUN - and it's just that simple. F.U.N spells FUN, Indy is actually an enjoyable game to play. It's challenging, because it's got lots of true skill features - when you get Pathway To Riches or Leap Of Faith, you know that it's only a failing of your own abilities that can lose you the jackpot. When you land on a crack the whip square and, like a total tit, hit an ambush square and get killed, you know it's your own fault. It's entertaining, both the sound and music are fantastic, loads of superb samples taken straight from the films, used cleverly and appropriately to generate a proper gaming atmosphere. It's immersive, because it plays fair, it doesn't set you up on a good number just to knock you down, or deliberately lead you down a dead end time after time - the player always feels that they have a considerable degree of control over the proceedings.

And let's not forget the awful, pant wetting terror of the ambush square. At the start of every feature you have an empty gun, each time you land on an ambush square, a bullet is loaded into one of six chambers, and you're forced to watch a horrifying game of Russian Roulette (well, maybe it's not that scary, but then again, it's not far off sometimes). If a bullet stops on the red "lose" square, you're dead, if not, the feature continues, but of course, next time you land on an ambush square there'll be an extra bullet in the chamber..... This is actually the only way that you can be killed on the feature, the standard mystery square can't directly finish you off, it can move you forward three or back two onto an ambush square which then kills you, and it can give you an "Escape" (collect prize, but even that's quite exciting because it can award anything from the entire board, and it can and will, occasionally, give jackpot features) - but ultimately, the ambush square is the only way you can meet your maker.

As a result, the tension that the ambush square can generate is not to be underestimated, even now, when playing the real machine I sometimes have to close my eyes and put my fingers in my ears after landing on the final ambush square with two bullets in the chamber, because I know that whilst it will probably kill me, it just might not..... The agony of being killed at that point (a particular evil trick it's fond of is to give three holds/let 'em spin for a four pound single bars reel win, allow the gamble to the five pound double bars, exchange to the feature and then kill you on the final ambush square with one bullet) is juxtaposed brilliantly with the sheer triumph felt at not get killed and making it to the end. On top of that, the rarity with which the top "Ark Of The Covenant" prize is awarded gives a genuine sense of achievement to the player, and it will usually pay the equivalent of at least two jackpots - hence the bowel loosening qualities of the ambush squares, but particularly the final one.

When you bring it down to brass tacks, there's no great secret about what makes Indy the ultimate fruit machine experience. It manages not to feel like a mere money-eating monster that takes your cash, pushes you a certain distance down a pre-ordained route and then picks you off at will. It keeps the player involved, it almost always gives you a chance to collect something worth having on the feature, and even when it's on the take it keeps the wins, let 'em spins and features coming, it has so many different games to try within the feature, and, perhaps above all else, it genuinely lets the player use their skill.

This is a factor that it's hard to over emphasise the significance of. Compare and contrast Indy with other machines by other companies of its era, hell, compare it with just about any fruit machine in your local pub or arcade today. Generally speaking, and with a depressing majority of banal, uninspired semi-cloned crap, you're aiming for a couple of things - it's either a case of forcing for the top feature or a jackpot, or looking to a specific set up on the feature, a nudge pot that offers an easy jackpot, a step to nearest win that's got something good on offer, that sort of thing. Beyond that, you pretty much ignore everything else, because you know full well that the machine will give you exactly what it wants to, nothing more, nothing less.

Now take a look at Indy, right from the off you're using your skill; Holy Grail, the better you are the more you get. Pathway to Riches, it's tricky, but it's a JP if you're good enough. Stop 'n Step on the Staff of Ra feature, true skill, but are you up to the challenge? Leap of Faith, should be a relatively easy JP, but it's still missable. Then there are the crack the whip squares, they won't cheat you, it's your own abilities that will determine what you land on, and they can make a big difference to the outcome of a feature; take the one located immediately after the £2 cash square, you can play safe and easily land back on £2 or Runaway Cash, but you then run the risk of being spun onto the ambush square next move, or you can be bold and go for the £2.40 cash or Staff of Ra square, but if you miss, it's an ambush..... Plus, you pretty much always get the chance to make a decision about your fate every time you get on the feature, if you find yourself around the £2.40 or £3 mark, you can make the choice to collect or press on, knowing full well what the risks are - if you subsequently get killed off it's annoying, but it was your own choice to go for it.

So there you have it - in my humble opinion, Indiana Jones is the best fruit machine ever made. There's no single reason for it, no individual element that you can point to and say, "There, that's why it's so special" - it's the sum of its parts; clever design, entertaining gameplay, superb sound package, and of course, those many and varied skill orientated features - the whole lot comes together as an absolutely inspired piece of game design that, even now, some eight years after it was originally released, I'll still cheerfully put a few quid through whenever I come across it in a seaside arcade. Seriously, if JPM could do something as good as this again, they'd mop the floor with all the other fruit machine manufacturers put together.

In fact, one way or another, it's enough to make you a little bit firmer in the old trouser department....

And now, to round things off, a few super Indy Hat Facts!

Indy Hat Fact 1 - Indy originally appeared with a £6 token jackpot, and this is undeniably as good as it ever got, the £8 upgrade didn't do it any favours, and the final £10 incarnation was a great disappointment to the committed Indy fan. In particular, an early £8 chip would hardly ever give Pathway To Riches or Holy Grail, two of the more enjoyable and tricky skill features. The ROM currently emulated is one of the later £8 jackpot variants - and whilst it's better than the early £8 chips, it's still a long way off the original £6 jackpot version. Remember people, bigger jackpots = less fun, and that's a fact.

Indy Hat Fact 2 - The Indiana Jones films are always irritatingly cut when shown on TV, because the fuck-witted tosspots in charge of scheduling insist on showing them in the afternoon or early evening. If they'd just wait until 8pm they could show them uncut.

Indy Hat Fact 3 - The Indiana Jones pinball is superb (it's actually mentioned as part of the attract mode on the fruit machine) - and you can play it courtesy of Visual Pinball and VPINMAME.

Indy Hat Fact 4 - Indy is often seen wearing a hat in the films, and regularly risks losing an arm or even his life to retrieve it when it falls off his head.

Indy Hat Fact 5 - Nearly all girls fancy Harrison Ford, even though he's getting on a bit.

Indy Hat Fact 6 - Oh really, I think that's enough.....

22nd April 2002.